One negative comment needs seven positive comments just to balance it out, in your own mind and how you feel about yourself. This is something that i learnt years ago. And what I find happens is, quite often, when people find themselves in debt or not quite able to make ends meet, they start talking about failure, of not earning enough money, those sorts of negative comments.
And when we realise the impact it has on how we feel about ourselves, that we need to have seven positive comments to back from it.
It’s nothing for a debt collector to ring up and say, “You haven’t fulfilled your promise. Even though you didn’t make a promise in the first place, but you haven’t fulfilled your promise, you owe this money, why haven’t you paid it….all those sorts of negative comments and unless we do something to counteract that, what will happen is – our attitude will go down and how we feel about ourselves will go down.
So it’s important to filling ourselves up with the things we are achieving and not concentrating on the things we are not achieving. The perfect example of that is how we self-talk to ourselves in the night, when we lie in bed and we think “Oh, I owe this money! What am I going to do? It’s terrible!” Those sorts of self-talks are nothing more than destructive. What we need to be telling ourselves is how good we are and how we’ve made money in the past and we can make money in the future.
Also, by the way, when I am talking about positive things, I am talking about realistic positive things. Not that sort of half-positive things that we can’t go on with, but realistically positive self-affirmations about things that we have accomplished. I think one of the hardest things quite often is that your wife, your husband, whoever is at home, you look at what they do each day and say, “Oh, I don’t achieve anything.” But the reality of it is that they’re achieving a lot – they get up, they make breakfast, they make bed, they do most probably the most repetitious work that’ll ever be done.
The other side of self-talk is that they can very easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you say, “Oh, I don’t pay any bills.” Unless you’re counteracting that, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It then becomes acceptable, that you don’t pay your bills. And that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Self-fulfilling prophecy can be, “Oh, I am always tired.” If we tell ourselves all the time that we’re sick or we’re tired or we haven’t gotten any energy, or any of those sorts of things. Unless you tell yourself there is a reward and you recognise your achievements.
It’s the same at work – you have one person that you haven’t been able to pay or one person that criticises you and yet you’ve got a whole string of people that feel good about you and say, “What a good person you are and what a good job you’ve done for them.” And it’s important to concentrate on those good things and not the fact that a debt collector has rung you and say that you can’t pay your bills.