I was recently talking to a friend of mine about forgiveness, and what is forgiveness and how do you forgive someone. And people sort of continue to turn around and say, “Oh, I need to forgive them,” or “I need to move on; get over.” But how do you do it?
Things are never as bad as they seem and things are never as good as they seem. And it reminds me of a particular couple that I had, that they were living in a rented house. And they were renovating the house to stay on the street, and they wanted to keep the house. So 2 years down the road, they’re panicking, “Oh, we haven’t got the money! We’re going to lose the whole lot,” and it all goes on and on and on. And it’s doom and gloom.n
One of the things I have realized over the time, when we’re negotiating with creditors and in actual fact when we are negotiating or dealing with things in life, is that there are no winners in an argument, whether it be our partners, whether it be our children, our parents. As soon as you get into an argument what we’re trying to do is to try and prove that the other person is wrong and that we are right. Now, from our point of view we’ll be right but if we accept the other person’s point of view from theirs is right, then we get a lot further.
Sometime ago, I was dealing with a fellow in the motor industry, and he had an agreement with quite a large motor repairer, to do their vehicles. He was going through a tough time, most probably wasn’t as strong mentally as he could be at that time. He’d had been 12 or 18 months of being harassed and worrying and feeling like he was going to lose everything.
When you’re depressed or when you’re focused on something and it seems to me that when I sit with people, that are going through this financial hassle in business or whatever, all they start to do is focus on themselves.
“JAKE ASKS: I have read your book and love it. Using your formula I have already paid off a long-term debt. Unfortunately, my partner and I have separate finances (her choice) and I recently found out that, in the time I paid off my debt, she racked up another for twice as much. Frustrating! We both earn OK incomes (combined $200,000), but are still renting at age 37. As we have three kids, I really want to get into our own home in the next four years … how do I convince her?”
Doug Constable Replies: Why would you want to convince her? You marry someone because you love them, and her goals and dreams are different to yours, but as a unit together what are your common goals and dreams?
Are you going to spend your life changing each other?
You and your wife has some things to do together and some separately
Why would you want to change your wife?
“Barefoot Replies: Uh-oh. So you two have made the ultimate commitment — three puppies — and yet she’s still keeping you in the kennel when it comes to sharing her bank account with you? As Dr. Phil would say: “Hmmm”. And now you want me to tell you how to convince her? Honestly?
I only have one party trick. I wrote about it in my book. It’s called a monthly Barefoot Date Night. And I can tell you that, more than 410,000 copies later, it works unbelievably well. Not only will it get you on the same (financial) serviette, but you two will be stronger and happier when you’re working towards a shared financial goal — especially when it’s something as amazing as buying your own family castle. That’s how I’d sell it to her anyway (and then I’d bribe her with great food and wine). And if that doesn’t work?
Well, maybe it’s time to stop talking and start watching: after all, money talks and bulldust walks. I’ve learned that if you want to know what someone values, look at what they’re spending their dough on. So the question is, Jake, what’s your partner spending her dough on?”
Doug Constable Replies: I have known one couple, the husband was very frugal and all he would do is talk about how much money the wife spent, but when they went out for dinner or for watching movies the wife paid. So he would sit back and say that I saved my money, I am frugal, but she is not she spends it. But the reality was she was spending a lot of it on him
“The universe is telling a self-employed tradie, caught in a debt trap, to start looking for a regular job, writes Barefoot Investor”
Doug Constable Replies: It is easy to say that, “To start looking for a regular job”, but to me I would think that someone that is self employed, is self employed because they want to be self employed
And maybe they should start learning what really does self-employed means as opposed to looking for another job
The freedom, opportunity and the strain dream of having a growing business is always there,and if I am not making enough money, most probably they need to go out and work out how to make more money as a tradesman as their own business as opposed to just be in a rut to be looking for a job
There is no doubt, that a tradesman with self-discipline earns more money than self-employed from what he does working for someone else. So the things they do is to learn the disciplines with the money you make as opposed to just say well I can’t do that and going and working for someone
“DEB WRITES: I have a bone to pick with you. I have been a loyal follower for years, have all the newsletters, and have just bought your book. I have read it and re-read it and now am more confused and frustrated than ever! I am a stay-at-home mum. My husband is a self-employed tradie who relies heavily on a $9500 business overdraft. He earns between $45,000 and $55,000 after tax to ensure we can still get Centrelink ($10,000). His income is so sporadic that, when it does finally come in, it is gone on living expenses, suppliers and a bit of savings. Your steps can’t work for us.
BAREFOOT REPLIES: Are you seriously happy living your life playing Centrelink limbo? The problem with that game is that, even if you manage to earn as little as you can to get under the bar, you’re still … in limbo. If your husband is earning only $45k a year as a tradie running his own show (with debt!), that’s the universe telling him it’s time to seek out a regular job and then focus on paying off his overdraft. And another thing: a good tradie doesn’t blame his tools … my steps work, but they need the right materials: in your case, cash!”
Doug Constable Replies: If you are plodding along as a tradie it is very difficult, the things you need to do with business to level out your cash flow, your books, invoices of time are the biggest ones, and they Have a system where you are doing work for people that pay on time. If a tradie is heavily geared towards builders, builders are renowned for not paying because they are waiting on the progress payments
The overdraft should be leveling that out as you are taking away things to balance it out
The subject explained in the news at the moment is Barnaby Joyce and his dual citizenship. Now I know as an Australian citizen, that I would love to have the best people running our country – the people that make the decisions based on what is good for our country and the citizens of our country.
Getting towards the end of the season in footy, for those that know me now, know that I follow Carlton Football Club. One of the things that I think is so important is that the path Carlton has taken over the last couple of years.
One negative comment needs seven positive comments just to balance it out, in your own mind and how you feel about yourself. This is something that i learnt years ago. And what I find happens is, quite often, when people find themselves in debt or not quite able to make ends meet, they start talking about failure, of not earning enough money, those sorts of negative comments.