Presenter Doug Constable on Forgiveness, Acceptance and Moving Ahead

By December 23, 2017Doug Constable

I was recently talking to a friend of mine about forgiveness, and what is forgiveness and how do you forgive someone. And people sort of continue to turn around and say, “Oh, I need to forgive them,” or “I need to move on; get over.” But how do you do it?

#dougconstable #Forgiveness #Acceptance

I think back to some of the people that i’ve had disagreements with, and that over my time, and how do we forgive and move on. And I find that extremely difficult in my mind to work out how do we do that, how do you forgive someone that you feel has done you wrong. To me, you need to be angry. And if someone owes you money, and you’ve fear they’ve done you wrong, you almost need to be angry to go that next step. You need to be able to reconcile with them to achieve the goal you want. How do we go from being angry with someone to forgiving them – do we take a pill, do we go along and see a psychologist, do we stand on our left foot and jump up and down three times. For me, the more that we can learn to accept that other people have got a different point of view, and to look at it from their point of view – we may not agree with it, they might have hurt us, they may have damaged us – but then we can start to accept from their point of view.

Now, I don’t know what pill you take to forgive someone. I don’t know what pill you take to accept what’s happened. I do know that if you can look at the other person’s point of view, and not necessarily agree with it, you’ll feel better. And sometimes the best way to do it, is just to park that disappointment to one side and go on and start looking at what your life is now what we’ve got in the future, and not worry about actually forgiving because that will happen when we’ve got so much in our life that consumes us.

And so if we’ve had a business failure, we can resent that, we can lose our house, we can lose all sorts of things, and we can say “How bad it is!”, and keep worrying about that. Or we can move forward and say, “Well, this is the business I’ve got now, and this is how I’m going to make it work.” If we’re sitting at a blackjack table, we can look at it and say “How bad the hand was!” Or we can say, “Well that’s gone, we’re onto the next one,” and keep working it out. If we’re at a football match, we say, and I’ve held football as one of the greatest things of all times, because it’s instant decision, and that’s what the players do. One of the great things about the game, is they grab the ball, and they kick it, they handball it they make an instant decision, then it’s over. And they haven’t got time to dwell on it.

For me that’s one of the best things we can do, when we’re wanting to either forgive someone or move forward is to start focusing on, “Well, I made that decision and that didn’t work out, this is where I’m going,” and start to train our mind on what we can achieve, and those things that we can have in the future, as opposed to dwelling in the past. We can start to accept what has happened as an event that happened, that’s all it is – an event that happened – Tragedy? Yes, Upsetting? Yes, Embarrassing? Yes, but we accept it for having happened and then we say, “Right, that happened, let’s move forward.” Why would we let something that happened 3 months, 6 months, 10 minutes ago, affect what we want to have happen tomorrow?