“JAKE ASKS: I have read your book and love it. Using your formula I have already paid off a long-term debt. Unfortunately, my partner and I have separate finances (her choice) and I recently found out that, in the time I paid off my debt, she racked up another for twice as much. Frustrating! We both earn OK incomes (combined $200,000), but are still renting at age 37. As we have three kids, I really want to get into our own home in the next four years … how do I convince her?”
Doug Constable Replies: Why would you want to convince her? You marry someone because you love them, and her goals and dreams are different to yours, but as a unit together what are your common goals and dreams?
Are you going to spend your life changing each other?
You and your wife has some things to do together and some separately
Why would you want to change your wife?
“Barefoot Replies: Uh-oh. So you two have made the ultimate commitment — three puppies — and yet she’s still keeping you in the kennel when it comes to sharing her bank account with you? As Dr. Phil would say: “Hmmm”. And now you want me to tell you how to convince her? Honestly?
I only have one party trick. I wrote about it in my book. It’s called a monthly Barefoot Date Night. And I can tell you that, more than 410,000 copies later, it works unbelievably well. Not only will it get you on the same (financial) serviette, but you two will be stronger and happier when you’re working towards a shared financial goal — especially when it’s something as amazing as buying your own family castle. That’s how I’d sell it to her anyway (and then I’d bribe her with great food and wine). And if that doesn’t work?
Well, maybe it’s time to stop talking and start watching: after all, money talks and bulldust walks. I’ve learned that if you want to know what someone values, look at what they’re spending their dough on. So the question is, Jake, what’s your partner spending her dough on?”
Doug Constable Replies: I have known one couple, the husband was very frugal and all he would do is talk about how much money the wife spent, but when they went out for dinner or for watching movies the wife paid. So he would sit back and say that I saved my money, I am frugal, but she is not she spends it. But the reality was she was spending a lot of it on him